Posts Tagged jay cutler sucks

FIVE REASONS THE BEARS ARE GARBAGE

No Gravatar

The Chicago Bears have lost 6 of their last seven games, with the lone victory coming against Cleveland at home.  That game shouldn’t even count, and not just because it was against the Browns.  The Bears played like trash in that one too.  Even though it’s hard to narrow it down, here’s a look at 5 reasons the Bears are sh*tty once again:

 

REASON 1: WEEKS 2 & 3 OF THE 2008 SEASON

In consecutive weeks last year, undisciplined and sloppy mistakes by only two individuals derailed the Bears’ entire season.

 

In Week 2 at Carolina, tight end Greg Olsen fumbled twice, losing both.  The first was at the Carolina 27, ending a drive that would have put the Bears up by two scores.  The second was at the Bears’ 26, setting up a TD that put the Panthers within striking distance, and eventually losing the game.

 

greg olsen fumbles.  online photo, no source available

 

The following week at home vs. Tampa Bay, Charles Tillman committed a heinous unsportsman-like conduct penalty after the Bears defense had held Tampa Bay to a punt on their 3rd possession of overtime.  Not only that, Tampa Bay was inside their own 10 yard line when Tillman decided to engage in fisticuffs.  Tampa Bay, given new life in the extra period, drove right down into FG range and booted the game-winner.

 

The above synopses don’t scratch the surface of how Chicago drastically outplayed their opponents yet still lost those games.  Had the Bears been disciplined enough to win these two, the rest of the season could have played out exactly as it did anyway, and Chicago would have won the division at 11-5 and gone to the playoffs.  The final-game meltdown in Houston would have mattered none, in fact Chicago could have rested starters without being challenged for the division crown, and there would have been no temptation to trade away Kyle Orton and the bevy of draft picks for Jay Cutler.  No seven red-zone picks that clearly have cost Chicago multiple games this season.  No dismal future with gaping holes that can’t be filled because of 2 consecutive drafts without a first-day selection.

 

kyle.  online photo, no source available

 

No one will call me neutral when it comes to my disdain of Jay Cutler, nor for my fondness for Orton, but even I understand that Bears management felt the need to jump at a QB of Cutler’s caliber when they had the chance.  If for no other reason than to keep him off of the Minnesota Vikings, who right now would look pretty set for the next decade with Cutler and Adrian Peterson at the helm.  But Cutler’s regression, combined with the hefty mortgage for his services, makes the trade second-guess-able, and it will be until Cutler bears fruit.

 

REASON 2: THE 2003 NFL DRAFT

 

I know what you’re saying – that’s a bit of a stretch, isn’t it?  Really, just how much impact does a draft six years ago have on this season’s debacle?  The answer is: a lot.

 

Chicago went a dismal 4-12 in 2002, earning them the No. 4 overall pick in the 2003 draft.  2002 included an 8-game losing streak that stretched from September 15th to November 24th, and Bear fans across the nation deserved an impact rookie player in return for the pathetic performance.

 

GM Jerry Angelo started things off right in retrospect.  That year, the favorite of NFL Draftniks at the #4 slot was Kentucky defensive tackle DeWayne Robertson, who Angelo wasn’t high on at such a pricey draft position.  He would command big money, and seeing as Robertson is currently without an NFL home only 6 seasons later, Angelo was correct in not picking or paying him.  He found a sucker to trade with in the New York Jets (a favor the Jets would repay Angelo for down the road, but I’ll get to that later), who sent Chicago their 2 first-round choices, the 14th and 22nd picks, for the right to draft Robertson at no. 4.

 

This was an excellent trade, and would be viewed as such if Angelo didn’t take Penn State DE Michael Haynes at 14 and Florida QB Rex Grossman at 22.  We all certainly remember the rollercoaster Grossman took Chicago on during his tenure there – in fact, a QB who took his team to a Super Bowl in only his 3rd season can’t really be viewed as a bust.  But Haynes was an inexcusable disaster.  Haynes was cut from the Bears after their ’06 Super Bowl loss, and never dressed in another NFL uniform.  He was signed to the practice squads of the Jets and Saints, but was cut from both before Week 2.

 

rex grossman humped.  online photo, no source available

 

Perhaps if Angelo would have spent one or both of those two 1st-rounders (or his original 4th overall pick) on any of the following Pro-Bowlers he passed on, the Bears may still be reaping the benefits of a terrible 2002 season-this is why that draft still matters now:

 

DT Kevin Williams (Vikes)
OT Jordan Gross (Panthers)
CB Terrance Newman (Cowboys)
DE/LB Terrell Suggs (Ravens)
CB Marcus Trufant (Seattle)
RB Willis McGahee (Bills)
RB Larry Johnson (Chefs)
FS Troy Polamalu (Steelers)
CB Nnamdi Asomugha (Raiders)
WR Anquan Boldin (Cards)
DE Osi Umenyora (Giants)
LB E.J. Henderson (Vikes – hasn’t made the Pro Bowl yet, but will)
TE Jason Whitten (Cowboys)
CB Asante Samuel (Patriots)

 

I’ll let that squad of superstars sink in a while.

 

Ready?  Okay.

 

REASON 3: CEDRIC BENSON

 

That’s right kids, the Bears are still reeling from the mess Benson left in his drunken-boat-captain wake.  Not only did the Bears not need him as they already had Thomas Jones on the roster, they took him at that same cursed No. 4 spot, which the Bears had earned after another dismal season, only 2 seasons after their last top-5-draft-pick-earning craptastic year.

 

Benson quickly got to work on his 36-day training camp contract holdout, after which he immediately split the locker room by pretty much acting like a total assh*le.  Actually, assh*le doesn’t really adequately describe Benson’s behavior, but I’ll let other Bears fans give you their colorful opinions of Cedric Benson if you’ve been swayed by his resurgence in Cincinnati, and you mistakenly believe that his release from Chicago was foolish.

 

cedric benson.  online photo, no source available

 

But, you might say, they got rid of himHow is he still affecting the teamBesides, the 2005 draft was quite possibly the worst draft in the history of the institution – there were nothing but busts in the entire thing – and on that point, you’ll get no argument from me.  Cedric Benson wasn’t even the biggest bust of that draft.  That honor would probably go to top pick Alex Smith, or perhaps the lovable and cuddly Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones.

 

Well, remember how I said earlier that the Jets would have their revenge for getting tricked into trading up for DeWayne Robertson?  Well, here’s why – the J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets happily took Thomas Jones off of Chicago’s hands for a 2nd round pick.  Turned out to be a steal, as TJ was an All-Pro selection the following season, and this year ranks in the top 5 in every rushing category there is, along with leading the league in carries.

 

Thomas Jones.  online photo, no source available
Thomas Jones: Apparently too much beast for Chicago

 

But Jones was a locker room favorite in Chicago, and for that reason, he had to go.  Benson was taking up too much salary-cap space to be the source of controversy, so despite only producing marginal results at that point in his career (as well as taking himself out of the ’06 Super Bowl like a pussy), Benson won the job, and Jones had to be jettisoned.  On top of losing a great talent and the spiritual leader of the offense, the Bears used the 2nd-round selection they got for Jones on defensive end Dan Bazuin out of Central Michigan.

 

The natural response to that fact, which would be “Who the f*ck is Dan Bazuin?” is the exact reason that Benson is a reason the Bears are garbage now.

 

dan bazuin.  online photo, no source available
Here’s Dan Bazuin. Don’t recognize him? Me either.

 

Think I’m finished? I’m just getting warmed up.

 

REASON 4: REPLACING MIKE BROWN WITH JOSH BULLOCKS AND AL AFALAVA

 

I don’t mean to directly disparage Al Afalava.  For a guy who was drafted 190th overall out of Oregon State and was pushed into the starting lineup because no one else would even take the job, he’s done fairly well.  But the he had some enormous, if often-injured, shoes to fill.

 

I won’t even disparage Angelo for moving on from Mike Brown, a guy who will never pay for a meal in Chicago for the rest of his life.  Mike Brown was so good at his position that his annual injury would kill all momentum for the Bears defense.  He was too good to lose during the season, so the Bears had to lose him altogether, and not have to count on his presence to be the factor that it always was.

 

mike brown.  online photo, no source available

 

But he played an enormous role in the defensive success of Angelo’s tenure, and his position was far too crucial in Lovie Smith’s Tampa-2 scheme not to fill with a competent replacement.  The only free-agent the Bears tried to cover their asses with was Josh Bullocks, who has seen almost no time at all in the few games he’s actually been given a jersey and pads for.  They didn’t address the gaping hole via the draft until they took Afalava with the 16th pick of the 6th round, and if Angelo honestly thought he was drafting Afalava to start this year, then he needs to be fired on that basis alone.  Perhaps Afalava can grow into the starter that the Bears need him to be, but his rookie status as the quarterback of this defense is a huge factor in the Bears’ sh*tiness now.

 

REASON 5: MATT FORTE WAS NEVER REALLY VERY GOOD

 

I hate to say it, but Matt Forte’s reputation as a decent running back in the NFL has stood largely on one highlight, and that would be a highly-viewed 50-yard TD run on opening night in Indianapolis last season.  He outran Bob Sanders on the play, which was all the reason anyone needed to hype the kid as the next great Chicago tailback.

 

The truth is that Forte had all of three 100+ yard games in 2008, and didn’t break 4 yards per carry for the season.  Yep, I myself argued for his rookie of the year candidacy, given that he was responsible for more of his team’s total offensive production than any other player in the league.  But the fact that Chicago’s passing game largely revolved around an average tailback was an indictment of the Bears’ pass-catchers, not a complement to Forte.

 

matt forte.  online photo, no source available

 

Forte can be a good runner if given ideal conditions, and that means big holes in front of him and a passing game that is actually a threat.  Take one or both of those elements away and he becomes not only average, but spark-less.  He should be moved to H-Back, as he is still a good blocker and receiver, but shouldn’t be relied on to carry the Bears run game by himself.

 

That 50-yard TD on opening night was a signal to Bears fans that the days of watching the sleepy Cedric Benson plod around and fall down in the open field were over.  Benson was so bad that even a middling rookie looked like the next coming of Neal Anderson by comparison.  But Forte has turned out to be exactly what you would think when you watch his highlights from Tulane – the next Anthony Thomas.  Solid rookie year, and it’s all downhill from there.  Unfortunately for the Bears and their fans, the Bears will likely start him as their “featured back” as long as Lovie Smith is around.  Now would be the time to spend another high draft pick on a running back, like they did with Cedric Benson, but Angelo will likely be too in love with his own draft pick to challenge him, also like he did with Cedric Benson.

 

In conclusion, f*ck you, Jay Cutler. Here’s another really stupid looking picture of you, of which there are many.

 

jay cutler.  online photo, no source available

 

 

Email: nick.thomas@flyingpigskin.com

 

  • Share/Bookmark

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

WEEK 12: INJURIES, DRAGNET, VINCE YOUNG AND PURPLE DOMINANCE

No Gravatar

Week 12 of the NFL season saw some key players on key teams go down. For how long is yet undetermined, but I do know for a fact that injuries to Atlanta’s QB Matt Ryan, RB Michael Turner (they were able to pull out the W vs. the Tuberculosis Buccanneers anyway), and the Jets’ rookie QB Mark Sanchez will have lasting repercussions throughout the season. Also injured were the Eagles’ DeSean Jackson (concussion); Chicago’s Lance Briggs (rib/knee), Charles Tillman (head) and Alex Brown (knee); Cleveland’s Shaun Rogers (gone for season with a leg injury); San Diego’s Shawne Merriman (foot); TB’s CB Aquib Talib (hamstring, he has 5 picks this season, in case you haven’t heard of him); and D.C.’s QB Jason Campbell (head).

 

At about 2:00 pm CST I was thinking to myself that I should have stuck to my guns. I had wanted to take Tampa Bay over Atlanta, Houston over Indy, and Washington over Philly, but my better judgment didn’t allow me to. Luckily, my better judgment was correct, as all three teams who were losing at that time came from behind to eek out victories – Indy being the exception, who came from behind to blow out the Texans. It was an impressive display of guile from teams who hadn’t played well enough to win up until that point, but were able to put away their lesser opponents despite poor performances.

 

Dennis Dixon of Pittsburgh, starting his first NFL game at QB, did everything he could have done to win the game today, and should be commended for his effort. His stats weren’t good – 12-24 for 145 yards, 1 TD and 1 pick, but he didn’t let anyone down taking this game into overtime against a stout and hungry Ravens team. Not coach Mike Tomlin or any Steelers fan should be disappointed in Dixon’s performance in a game in which he entered having completed all of one NFL pass.

 

Vince Young may have had his official coming-out party vs. Arizona today, going 27-43 for 387 yards and the game winning TD, thrown with no time left on the clock. While I picked the Titans to win the game, I logically assumed it would be through the ground game.

 

vince young.  online photo, no source available

 

The Titans rushing attack indeed worked the Cardinals for 160+ yards, but it was Young’s arm and savvy at the end of the game that won the battle for Tennessee. With 2:37 left in the contest Young was the beneficiary of at least one lucky bounce his way, but he still calmly rifled the game-winner with time expiring to ice it from AZ’s 12-yard line. He was 9-16 for 94 yards and a TD on the game-winning drive. And with that, I’ll say that I’ve held out long enough.

 

BEARS HOMER SECTION

 

Before I get into the results of the game, I was constantly reminded today of a quote from the movie version of Dragnet that seemed very fitting towards Bears head coach Lovie Smith, GM Jerry Angelo, offensive coordinator Ron Turner, and QB Jay Cutler. Dan Akroyd, a Chicago native himself, could not have said it better, in his concise, cutting style of succinct disgust as he interrogates some low-life:

 

“LISTEN HERE, HOTSHOT: I DON’T CARE ONE BIT FOR YOU OR THE PUTRID SLUDGE YOU’RE TROWLING OUT.”

 

It may seem trite, but reciting that line actually makes me feel better.  Today’s game was as every bit of the dominated and pathetic performance that I expected.  These hyperbolic and word-of-mouth stats are alarming:

 

- most yards given up by Chicago’s defense since 1982
- 4th-most yards of Brett Favre’s career
- 2 net yards in second half by the Bears’ offense
- First time in Chicago’s 89 year history that no first downs were made on a run

 

Sydney Rice.  online photo, no source available

 

I can’t imagine much uglier of a game.  Jared Allen recorded 2 sacks, and the Vikings racked up 537 yards of total offense.  Chicago managed just 169 total yards complemented by 3 turnovers.  Minnesota did what they could to help the Bears with 10 flags, but alas, Chicago was destined to just plain get their ass whupped.

 

Jay Cutler threw 2 picks, with yet another in the red zone.  I believe it was his 7th this year, or maybe 8th, honestly I’ve lost count. 126 yards was his total on the day. THIS is what my team traded Kyle Orton and 2 first round picks for? THIS is what my team signed to a $50 million contract extension? On the Bears first possession following a gift-wrapped Adrian Peterson fumble, Cutler actually completed 3 passes. For 8 yards. The Bears punted. Kyle could have done that, and my team would still have first-day draft picks in hand, which by the way, look to be fairly high and valuable this upcoming draft.  

 

The rushing game was only able to muster 43 yards and the 36-10 score, while almost exactly as I called it (34-7), wasn’t as close as the margin indicates.  It was as pathetic and lopsided as a game as I’ve seen in the 22 seasons that I have called myself an avid Bears fan.  My father compared it to some of the early seventies, post-Sayers/pre-Payton games that were just awful, and I imagine that it did indeed compare.  And while I fell asleep in the 4th quarter and was treated to Brett Favre’s post-game interview as my personal hellish wake-up call, I have to imagine that it also compares to some of those late 80’s ass-kickings that I was to young to remember but old enough to have witnessed.

 

jay cutler.  online photo, no source available.

 

GO AHEAD, POUR SOME MORE SALT INTO THIS WOUND

 

Not only am I forced to swallow the swill this team calls an NFL-level effort, I am also enslaved to the advertisers for the various networks the NFL appears on, and subject to this motherf*cker every single f*cking Sunday:

 

UPS Whiteboard Guy.  online photo, no source available

 

I’ve yet to see a spokesman more hateable than this corporate-mulleted son of a bitch. I’ve yet to meet a single person that finds this guy effective in selling his product. I’ve yet to find a television personality that is more worthy of a Halloween/Hostel/Saw I,II,III,IV,V,or VI-style decapitation or disembowelment.

 

Can I get a witness?

 

contact email: nick.thomas@flyingpigskin.com

 

 

  • Share/Bookmark

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

NFL 2009 WEEK 12 PICKS – YTD: 113-57 (66%)

No Gravatar

The NFL announced today that The Who would be performing at halftime of this year’s Super Bowl in Miami.  The Who follows in a line of mostly washed-up classic rock acts that ensures no controversy could possibly occur outside of a broken hip or denture malfunction.  The NFL seems to have learned it’s lesson after 2003’s Janet Jackson incident.  Perhaps next season Journey can take the gig, with that karaoke singer they found in Schenectady to take Steve Perry’s place.

 

Journey.  online photo, no source available
If you’re in a bar at 1:45 a.m. and ‘Don’t Stop Believin’ comes on, you can’t tell me that it isn’t magic.

 

Not that I really care, because the last Super Bowl halftime special that I watched with any kind of rapt engagement was in 1992, when the Wayans brothers’ In Living Color broadcast an alternative halftime show.  It featured a brilliant and timeless performance of ‘Men on Football‘.

 

MARQUEE

 

NEW ENGLAND at NEW ORLEANS: This game is the saving grace of Week 12, by far.  Thanksgiving weekend would be looking pretty bleak for football fans without it.  This Monday night will be a scorcher, and I have no clue what will happen.  I don’t usually talk lines, but New Orleans is favored by three, and honestly I’m surprised either team got that.  I would have guessed this was a push for sure.  This will be a test of brainpower for anyone trying to predict the outcome.  Sh*t, that includes me.

 

Neither of these teams is a fluke by any means.  Both are offensively ruthless, willing and able to score at almost any time against any opponent.  Both head coaches are cerebral-types who don’t get caught up in machismo or NFL tradition.  Yeah, Belichick is a classless, arrogant, and despicable evil genius, but he isn’t into the macho bit like many lesser coaches.  If there is one consistent weakness in either of these teams, it is the Saints’ overall defense.  Normally it doesn’t matter because QB Drew Brees & Co. are capable of out-shooting anyone, but the obstacle may be too much for them this week.  I’m going with New England, and it isn’t a confident pick.  The Patriots couldn’t handle Peyton Manning’s big guns, but the Saints have given up a lot of points this year to a lot weaker teams than New England.  Patriots 37, Saints 32.

 

PITTSBURGH at BALTIMORE: Both these teams will sheepishly take the field on Sunday, having both lost games that they should have won last week.  Baltimore at least had the chance to outplay a better team, and just couldn’t make it happen.  Pittsburgh, meanwhile, lost to Kansas City, and that is unforgivable.  With this game being held in Baltimore, I’m taking the Ravens, and if Big Ben can’t go for Pittsburgh it won’t be close, even though Charlie Batch is a capable backup against almost all other NFL teams (scratch that, he’s hurt too).  Ravens 25, Steelers 19.
UPDATE: Big Ben and Batch are both out, leaving Dennis Dixon starting at QB for Pittsburgh. Dixon could very well be a decent player at some point, and may do some things well come Sunday. He may crash and burn too, especially against this Ravens team. I’ll stick with my original prediction, but Dixon intrigues me somewhat…

 

MARQUEE-ISH

 

INDY at HOUSTON: If Indy has been able to fend off New England and Baltimore in the past two weeks, they’ll take care of Houston.  This looks to be a solid divisional matchup for the next few seasons though, and should be viewed with interest by those who appreciate elite passing games.  Colts 32, Texans 23.

 

ARIZONA at TENNESSEE: Look who has suddenly burst on to the NFL’s scene with four straight victories?  It’s Vince Young, long left for dead by most observers as a malcontent headcase.  He was immature.  He was crazy.  He was nothing more than a one-dimensional “running QB” who could be figured out by an average defense.  Well, Tennessee’s rushing attack has turned out to be a bit problematic for d-coordinators since Young was re-inserted into the lineup.  What Tennessee head cheese Jeff Fisher should have figured out weeks before is that there is little difference between Kerry Collins and Vince Young in terms of passing effectiveness, and Vince Young is far more dynamic of a football player than the nursing-home-ready Collins.  Vince Young may pick up more first downs improvising with his feet than in designed passes with his arm, but at least he’s picking them up.  Throw in phenom RB Chris Johnson and you’ve got problems.

 

Vince Young.  online photo, no source available

 

Arizona’s 7th-ranked run defense will be tested this week, and we should know by the end of the game if it’s for real.  I will argue that the high ranking is a result of poor pass defense and a schedule of elite passing opponents.  Arizona has won 6 of their last 7 games, but the loss during that stretch came against the only run-oriented offense they’ve faced, the Carolina Panthers, who racked up 270 yards on the ground.  I’m taking Tennessee to stay hot and bully the Cardinals’ defense: Titans 29, Cardinals 24.

 

COULD BE INTERESTING, BUT PROBABLY NOT

 

TAMPA BAY at ATLANTA: I really want to pick the Bucs to win this one, but there is no way that I can with their 31st ranked defense.  But perhaps rookie QB Josh Freeman, who has slipped since his initial performance in the Bucs’ lone victory over Green Bay three weeks ago, can rebound against Atlanta’s below-average D.  I’ll still take Atlanta because they really need the win to stay in the Wildcard hunt.  They’ve lost 4 of 5, and should be considered cooked if they lose this one.  Falcons 26, Bucs 18.

 

MIAMI at BUFFALO: Ricky Williams seems determined to prove Mike Ditka right, and he’s not doing too bad of a job.  A decade after Ditka traded away essentially a whole draft to take the enigmatic RB from Texas, he’s enjoying a bit of a renaissance – he’s averaging 5.3 yards a carry and is tied for 4th in the league with 8 TD’s.  Not bad for a 32 year-old reefer addict who’s given up and been given up on more times than he is able to remember at this point of his life.  He should fare well against Buffalo’s terrible run defense, currently ranked 30th and giving up 166 yards a game.  ‘Fins 28, Bills 17.

 

ricky williams in drag.  online photo, no source available

 

CAROLINA at NY JETS: Speaking of enigmatic, how the hell do I pick this game?  The Jets are still stout on defense, but the Panthers have been able to run on just about everyone.  Carolina has averaged over 200 yards rushing over their last 4 games.  This one is a toss-up, but I’ll go with the Jets because I still like them.  NYJ 22, NCP 17.

 

WASHINGTON at PHILLY: In a normal universe this would be a mismatch this season, but this is the 2009 NFL universe, and the Eagles are as hot and cold as…something that is both really hot and really cold.  I am unable to conjure up an apt analogy for the streakiness of this Philly squad.  They looked fairly average against my sh*tty Bears squad last week, but average is likely enough to best this Sk*ns team.  Eagles 25, D.C. Football Franchise 12.

 

JACKSONVILLE at SAN FRANSISCO: The Jaguars are 6-4, and have won 4 of their last 5 games.  The 49ers are 4-6 and have lost 5 games since mid-October.  Those losses have come against some pretty decent teams, and Jacksonville is probably still average enough to be beaten.  This could be a very interesting game, but there just isn’t enough star power here to draw much attention.  San Fran ranks slightly ahead of the Jags in both offense and defense, and it’s a long trip from Florida to the Bay.  If the Niners can win this one they can stay sorta alive in the Wildcard, and if they lose they’re pretty much done.  If only they had a real QB.  I’ll say that Samurai Mike gets his team up for this one, and the Niners win at home, 24-17.

 

MISMATCHES

 

I honestly believe that there is virtually no chance, barring freak injuries or shocking letdowns, that any of the following favorites lose these games.  Especially Minnesota, who quite possibly matches up as well as one could imagine against this pathetic Bears team.  If I may, allow me a moment of negative homerism regarding Chicago:

 

Brett Favre, Percy Harvin, Sydney Rice, and Adrian Peterson all pose big problems for the Bears, so expect Chicago to try to pick its poison.  The Bears will attempt to stop one of these players, and even if they do so successfully, the others will dominate them like a San Quentin cellmate.  Adrian Peterson’s career numbers against Chicago are too ridiculous to even look up, and Percy Harvin seems like exactly the type of player who is capable of shredding this defensive secondary.  Jay Cutler will face heavy pressure all game, and that’s one element I personally can’t wait to see.  How many picks will he throw?  How many times will we see him jawing with his own receivers, or a referee, because they didn’t do what the never-wrong Cutler expected them to?  How much slack does this f*ck expect to be cut this year?  Is it obvious enough yet that Cutler’s success in Denver was largely because if the freakish WR Brandon Marshall?  How many more digs at the Bears can I pose in the form of a question?

 

jay cutler.  online photo, no source available
F*ck you, Jay Cutler. No, seriously. F*ck you.

 

The answer to that last one is: many.  I could write a novel on how lousy the Bears are, and what steps were taken to lead up to this debacle of a season.  But that will come later.  For now, I can take solace in the fact that for the first time since I moved to Minnesota, I won’t be subject to the vile, obnoxious Vikings fans that fill the Worst Stadium in the NFL for this game, as no fair-weather Purple fan has tried to pawn off their Bears-Vikes tickets on me.  The Bears are going to get destroyed, hammered, annihilated, vaporized and disintegrated by the Minnesota Vikings.  My only hope is that Cutler plays badly enough to get benched.  Please, Lord – if you are either a wrathful and vengeful God, or a compassionate and loving God, please let Jay Cutler meltdown beyond even my own vivid imagination.  It will be the only thing worth watching come Sunday afternoon.

 

Whew.  I think I’ve fully exorcised those Sh*tty Bears Demons, at least for this week.  I’ll take the home teams to win by the margin of 34-7:

 

CHICAGO at MINNESOTA

CLEVELAND AT CINCINNATI

K.C. at SAN DIEGO

 

TOILET BOWL WEEK 12

 

SEATTLE at ST. LOUIS: Umm…St Louis in the upset, for the hell of it.  Rams 19, Seahawks 17.

 

Email: nick.thomas@flyingpigskin.com

 

 

  • Share/Bookmark

Tags: , , , , ,

NFL Week 11: The AFC North Implodes and the Bears are Awful

No Gravatar

While all four teams in the AFC North lost today, at least the Ravens can say they lost to a good team. Baltimore fell to Indianapolis, but Cincy lost to Oakland, Pittsburgh lost to Kansas City, and Cleveland lost to the lowly Detroit Lions.

 

The latter game was a barn-burner between two of the NFL’s worst teams, featuring 724 yards passing and 75 points of bottom-feeding offense. Matthew Stafford threw for 5 TD’s, including the game-winner with no time remaining, and perennial punchline Brady Quinn threw for four scores and over 300 yards. And that’s not all.

 

lions win.  online photo, no source available

 

Matthew Stafford became the NFL’s youngest QB to throw for 5 TD’s in a game, surpassing Dan Marino and Joe Namath by a big margin. Conversely, Cleveland’s Brady Quinn came into Sunday’s game with only 3 career TD’s, which he matched in the first quarter. Over Cleveland’s last 15 games, they had only scored 5 offensive TD’s, and they scored 4 on Sunday, all through the air.

 

The display was punctuated by a dramatic finish for the ages – Detroit’s Stafford tossed up a prayer with no time remaining, and Cleveland giftwrapped a pass-interference penalty in the end zone, giving Detroit the ball at the Browns’ one with no time on the clock. Stafford was creamed on the play that set up the touchdown, injuring his shoulder, and to what extent is still unclear. But Cleveland called a timeout at the end of the play, giving Stafford enough time to gather himself for the final TD pass, which he completed to TE Brandon Pettigrew to ice the game. If you think that game was the only freak occurrence in the Brown’s division, you’d be wrong.

 

Flukes abounded in the Steelers-Chiefs game, where Ben Roethlisberger threw for the 3rd-highest yardage total of his career and three TD’s, but also threw two INT’s and was knocked out of the game in OT with a concussion. Ultimately it was Pittsburgh’s defense that gave up a huge pass play that sealed the game, and Kansas City broke a 10-game home losing streak against the World Champs, who gave up yet another special-teams return TD (the 8th straight game in which that has happened). The teams from Pennsylvania are hard to predict this season.

 

ryan succup.  online photo, no source available

 

Following suit, the Cincinnati Bengals lost to Oakland in a game that featured a combined 8 fumbles and 5 lost. Cedric Benson missed the game and was replaced by Bernard Scott, who filled in admirably to the tune of 119 yards on 20 carries. But Cincy’s Andre Caldwell handed the ball and the game to the Raiders when he fumbled a kickoff return inside his own 25 with 33 seconds left in the game. Sebastian Janikowski (first time I’ve typed his name, I have to say it was quite enjoyable) nailed the chip-shot to win the game for Oakland, who has proved to be a pitfall for over-confident teams from the other side of the US.

 

The New York Giants got up off the mat today against Atlanta in another overtime thriller, with Eli Manning turning in arguably his best game of the season (384 yards and three TD’s). New York’s strong start provided quite a landing pad for their freefall in the last month, and the Giants now are still in great position to take the middling, mediocre, mundane NFC East.

 

BEARS HOMER SECTION

 

I went into this game watching for a variety of sequences that would prove several theories I hold about exactly why the Bears have been terrible this season – among those would have been the ratio of press coverage to soft coverage by the Bears’ defense; how many times they ran Matt Forte up the middle out of the I formation, or how many times Don McNabb was able to connect on easy slant routes for more than 5 yards. But it’s way easier to just say that the Bears are terrible.

 

While the Bears played with good effort at times, it is disappointing to repeatedly see a good effort by one unit be completely wasted by the opposite unit. A turnover forced on defense is squandered by the offense. A rare scoring drive by the offense is never reciprocated by a defensive stand that helps build momentum.

 

bears suck.  online photo, no source available

 

On top of that, at would seem that the Chicago offensive game plan for Jay Cutler has been whittled down to two steps:

 

Step 1: Throw a terrible pass, whether it be into heavy coverage or badly overthrowing a wide-open receiver
Step 2: Beg for a flag from the ref

 

That’s it. Fortunately for the Bears, if they plan on employing this particular kind of passing attack for the next decade, they have the best possible QB in the league to do it. On Sunday night vs. the Eagles, Cutler proved especially adept at overthrowing wide-open receivers that should have had TD’s. Cutler was under no pressure on the remarkably overthrown passes, a sure sign that he is more concerned with not throwing picks than he is with making completions. And he’s already drawn tens of thousands of dollars in fines for jawing at referees, so it looks like the Bears are all set for the future!

 

Jay Cutler is a cancer to a coaching staff. He got Mike Shannahan fired from Denver, and he’s about to get Lovie Smith fired too. He seems to be able to convince a front office that he isn’t the problem, and that the coaching staff and other personnel is. Shannahan won two Super Bowls in Denver before Cutler came along and got him canned. How long will Smith’s Super Bowl loss carry him with this front office (probably a while, actually, says Smith’s $10M buyout clause)?

 

Fact of the matter is that Jay Cutler, like the QB that took Chicago to the big game in 2006, can thrive if given ideal conditions. But to expect Cutler to lift a team out of mediocrity is expecting too much. If you know Cutler, you know that isn’t possible.

 

Likewise, Lovie Smith’s defense, predicated on not giving up the big play and creating turnovers/QB pressure, isn’t talented enough anymore to play the law of averages that says if they sit deep on routes and refuse to give up the home run, they’ll win. It just isn’t that simple. Teams have figured it out. It may require the patience to take what the Bears give you, but little study is required to realize that the Bears will give you a lot. Enough with this. The Bears suck ass, and that’s that.

 

contact email: nick.thomas@flyingpigskin.com

 

 

  • Share/Bookmark

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

NFL WEEK 10: TRUST NO ONE

No Gravatar

Can we trust the Patriots to hold on to a lead anymore? Bill Belichick out-thunk himself with his 4th-and-2 call from his own 28.  The rationale is that he thought his offense had a better shot of picking up 2 yards on 4th down than his defense did of stopping Manning.  Even if they failed to convert the 4th-and-2, it would have the same result as punting, right?  That’s a stretch, and it gave the Colts the ball 29 yards from a touchdown with over 2 minutes to play. There was also a bunch of oddly-burned timeouts sprinkled in there.

 

Indy Colts.  online photo, no source available

 

Failing to convert the 4th-and-2 wasn’t really ever considered, which is in Belichick’s nature and part of what makes him the arrogant cutthroat that he is.  Maybe karma bit him in the ass on this one, and that’s bound to happen.  But if the Patriots’ defense is this unreliable to their head coach, the Pats have problems that will have implications later. 

 

For now, the New England loss caps off what was a terrible week for my record.  Discretion will be necessary from here on out.

 

Denver and Atlanta couldn’t trust backups, after each lost high-performing starters in the 2nd quarter.  When Denver QB Kyle Orton left his game vs. the R*dsk*ns with an ankle injury, he was 11-18 for 193 yards and 2 TD’s.  When Atlanta RB Michael Turner left his game vs. the Panthers with an ankle injury, he had 111 yards on 9 carries.

 

M. Turner.  online photo, no source available

 

Orton’s replacement was Chris Simms, who posted a 7.5 passer rating (as opposed to Orton’s 134.5).  Atlanta was already down counter-puncher Jerious Norwood, so something named Jason Snelling filled in, and did okay.  61 yards and a touchdown, but Atlanta fell apart after the injury and was already getting torched on defense.

 

Dallas couldn’t trust Tony Romo, whose stats aren’t great or awful, but his only INT came after a 14 play, 79-yard drive to the Green Bay 1, where he was picked off by Charles Woodson just short of the goal line to all but seal the loss.  Crappy quarterbacks throw picks in the redzone when the stakes are high and your team is still in the game (ahem…jaycutler).

 

Tony Romo.  online photo, no source available

 

Aaron Rodgers earned some trust after righting the ship against the Cowboys, and even the offensive line got in on the act, scattering 4 sacks against a good Dallas defense.  Green Bay’s own defense swarmed Romo all day, sacking him 5 times and hitting him hard.  It was a fun game to watch considering the score was 3-0 Packers going into the 4th quarter.

 

clay matthews.  online photo, no source available

 

Pittsburgh couldn’t trust their special teams, which gave up a return score for a revolting 7th straight game.  The 96-yarder in the 2nd quarter by the Bengals’ Bernard Scott was the difference in the field-goal fest, which featured virtually no offensive ball movement.  8 kicks went through either set of uprights, and 6 of them were 32 yards or longer.  Cincy’s Cedric Benson and Steeler Troy Polamalu were both knocked out of the game.

 

The Jets couldn’t trust their 4th-ranked defense to keep Jacksonville’s 21st-ranked offense from scoring a field goal to win the game.  Philly couldn’t trust it’s offense, which could only manage 23 points in San Diego despite getting 450 yards and two TD’s on 35 completions from Donovan McNabb.

 

We almost couldn’t trust New Orleans against lowly St. Louis, who fought back in the game against a banged-up Saints defense in the second half.  The Saints’ stable of running backs were able to save the day, but N.O. is hurting right now in the secondary and the Saints’ date with New England in two weeks just started looking a little tougher for Drew Brees & Company, who committed 3 turnovers today.

 

drew brees.  online photo, no source available

 

Tampa bay already didn’t trust its defense, who did set up a potential game-winning TD by picking off Chad Henne on a horrific pass deep in Dolphin territory.  But then that same defense let the same QB march almost 80 yards in just over a minute to win the game with a chip-shot field goal.  Josh Freeman turned in his second solid performance in as many starts, and has Tampa Bay feeling optimistic for the future.

 

And finally, if you can trust anything in the NFL right now, as much as it pains me in a profound and intimate way to say it, you can trust in Brett Favre and the Minnesota Vikings offense. It’s something that I have to come to grips with, and it might as well happen sooner rather than later.  I know they played the Lions today, and I know the final score of 27-10 isn’t even that big of a blowout, but Minnesota made it look effortless.

 

AP looked very healthy and well rested (18 carries for 133, 2 TD) after the bye week, galloping through tackles and cutting with precision.  Acceleration, burst, violence, anger.  Wait until he plays an opponent that matters.

 

adrian peterson.  online photo, no source available

 

Brett Favre made Sydney Rice look like some kind of freak combination of Randy Moss and Jerry Rice, which he isn’t, but he was against Detroit.  This game wasn’t close, ever.  Minnesota left points on the board, which is an issue, but it doesn’t matter.  This team isn’t f—ing around anymore, and Favre will have these bastards ready to play the big games.

 

The Viking pass defense will need to improve, and Antoine Winfield will likely have to be in top form to get past this New Orleans offense in the playoffs, and Jared Allen may have to show up for a game not against Green Bay (1 tackle, 0 sacks on Sunday), but this offense is serious.  Brett Favre is currently projected to finish the season with almost 3900 yards, 32 TD’s and 6 picks.  Brady and Manning might throw for more yards, but at 40, leading a team that was a mess offensively last season to a dominating regular season in 2009, Favre still has to be the favorite to win it.

 

After typing that last sentence, I am going to go drink beer, eat chicken wings, and cry, all at the same time.

 

contact email: nick.thomas@flyingpigskin.com

 

 

  • Share/Bookmark

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,