Posts Tagged San Francisco 49ers

THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL IS WHACK

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I was supposed to go to a good friend’s place tonight to knock back a couple drinks and find some escape from the monotony of the inbred corporate hell that my day-to-day life exists in. But instead, I have to be chained to my satellite dish to watch Thursday Night Football. Thus:

 

MY BEARS-49′ERS PICK

 

49er Tight End Vernon Davis made a bit of a splash this week when he predicted that the 49ers would “destroy” the Bears.  It would have been a bigger splash if everyone didn’t think he was right.

 

Vernon Davis.  Online photo, no source available

 

San Francisco is this week’s lucky winner of the NFL’s “Boost Your Weakest Standing Sweepstakes” as they play Chicago at home on Thursday night.  Can’t run, Arizona?  Here’s the Bears, at your service.  Can’t rush the passer?  No problem, Cleveland – sack Jay Cutler 5 times!

 

Got a headcase rookie wide receiver that needs a big game in front of a home crowd?  Do you have a running back who hasn’t broken 100 yards since Week 2?  Got a head coach whose questionable intensity has only produced a 3-5 record? Oh, and he’s also a Hall-of-Fame MLB who is coaching his first game against his old team?

 

Have I got a deal for you!

 

Not only will the Chicago Bears allow you to publicly humiliate them, you don’t even have to choose which offensive category you wish to dominate them in.  In two of their last three games, the opposing quarterback has thrown for an AVERAGE of five (5) touchdowns, and the opposing offense racked up an AVERAGE of 198 rushing yards.

 

Chicago Bears.  online photo, no source available

 

Michael Crabtree, Frank Gore, and Mike Singletary, come on down!  This Bears defense will quiver in fear of your below-average passing attack!  Your 19th-ranked offense will belly-laugh at the cowardice of the Chicago defenders!  They will disgust you as you pummel them into a vegetative state!

 

49ers DESTROY the Bears, 42-17.

 

contact email: nick.thomas@flyingpigskin.com

 

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10 THINGS I KNOW ABOUT WEEK 1

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1.  Adrian Peterson put on a show for the ages. This was one to show your kids someday if you’re a real Vikings fan.  The man’s purple and gold jersey disappears when he breaks loose, and you’ve got no choice, no matter what team you pledge allegiance to, but to marvel at the creativity, brilliance, and sheer anger that AP used to produce 180 yards and three TD’s.  Brett Favre’s debut in a Minnesota uniform was far overshadowed by what could be the best run in Peterson’s career to date.

2. The proprietor of this here football-themed website told me he thought my shutout prediction of the Bills by New England was a stretch, and I scoffed.  He was right.  Buffalo damn near pulled off a huge upset moments ago.  New England squeaked out a mouse-fart’s margin of a victory against Buffalo, driving anyone who bet that the Pats would cover the spread into an ulcer or a nuthouse or both.

3.  Even though the Houston Texans made it really easy on him, Mark Sanchez did some really impressive things in his rookie debut. At least six huge plays for him came on 3rd down, and one came on 4th, showing that ice water pulses in the veins of the kid from USC.  He showed a quick release, surprising mobility, and accuracy that several starting QB’s should envy.  Combined with (as we predicted) an aggressive, active defense, the Jets look to be a surprise in 2009.

Mark Sanchez.  online photo, no source available

4.  New Kansas City head coach Todd Haley got his first full-time position job with the Chicago Bears in 2000, and although he lost his opener versus Baltimore, his team put on a performance worthy of those Bears’ teams of old.  Big plays and scores by the defense and special teams fueled a close loss to a far superior Ravens team.  Brodie Croyle even got in on the act, tossing big throws late in the game to keep it close.  Joe Flacco eventually daggered them, but the Chiefs may be better than anyone thinks this year (FS Mike Brown also had 12 tackles, but that’s not necessarily a good thing given his injury history).

5.  The New York Giants had some throw-back performances against the Washington, D.C. football franchise.  Mario Manningham looked like the Michigan star he was with a 31-yard TD catch-and-run, and the D-Line had a resurgence reminiscent of their 2007 Super Bowl win.  Justin Tuck and Osi Umenyiora will keep abusing offensive lines (and spell checks).

6.  As impressive as Drew Brees was in his record-setting opening-day game with 6 TD passes, RB Mike Bell ran for 143 yards. But perhaps this proves that the Detroit Lions’ defense is still really, really terrible.

7.  The San Francisco 49ers looked like a team led by Mike Singletary. The Hall-of-Fame MLB kept his squad fighting for every yard and never losing hope against the defending NFC Champs.  I feel proud and stupid, as I wanted to pick them to win but couldn’t commit.  I predicted a better-than-expected performance from San Fran, but not a win.  I will choose more wisely in the future, and the rest of the league is on notice.

Mike Singletary.  online photo, no source available

8.  Clinton Portis continues to be the engine driving Washington. Or more accurately, if he stalls, so do the R*dsk*ns.  He rushed for 62 yards on 15 carries, and 34 yards came on his first run from scrimmage.  Without a run game, QB Jason Campbell is not capable of carrying his team to a win against a quality opponent.

9.  There were the usual opening-week key injuries around the league:

-Brian Urlacher, Bears

-Anthony Gonzalez, Colts

-Donovan McNabb, Eagles

-Troy Polamalu, Steelers

-Hakeem Nicks, Giants

-Reggie Hayward, Jaguars

Here’s to a speedy recovery to all of these quality players.

10.  Of all the mistakes Jay Cutler made last night, the most overlooked one was his blowing the Bears’ final timeout on 4th and inches towards the end of the 3rd quarter.  I pondered this, thinking what could he possibly have seen from the Green Bay defense that made him reconsider the play call?  Isn’t this a fairly black-and-white situation?  Isn’t this play merely a comparison of these linemens’ testicle circumference?

Then I thought well, perhaps Chicago had some too-cute gimmick play called for the situation and Cutler saw that the Pack was prepared for it.  But even if that was the case, shouldn’t he have been equipped with the proper audible into a traditional 4th-and-inches playcall?  Someone, either Cutler of offensive coordinator Ron Turner screwed that up.  There were multiple other mistakes, both player and coaching-related, but few have drawn attention to this one, which burned the last clock-stop for Chicago and made their final drive much more difficult.  Perhaps I’ll have the wherewithal to revisit this game, but most likely I’ll just pretend it didn’t happen and pray that everything works out next week.

Who are the Bears playing?  The World-Champion Pittsburgh Steelers?  $%#@&*!!!!!

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