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FIVE REASONS THE BEARS ARE GARBAGE

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The Chicago Bears have lost 6 of their last seven games, with the lone victory coming against Cleveland at home.  That game shouldn’t even count, and not just because it was against the Browns.  The Bears played like trash in that one too.  Even though it’s hard to narrow it down, here’s a look at 5 reasons the Bears are sh*tty once again:

 

REASON 1: WEEKS 2 & 3 OF THE 2008 SEASON

In consecutive weeks last year, undisciplined and sloppy mistakes by only two individuals derailed the Bears’ entire season.

 

In Week 2 at Carolina, tight end Greg Olsen fumbled twice, losing both.  The first was at the Carolina 27, ending a drive that would have put the Bears up by two scores.  The second was at the Bears’ 26, setting up a TD that put the Panthers within striking distance, and eventually losing the game.

 

greg olsen fumbles.  online photo, no source available

 

The following week at home vs. Tampa Bay, Charles Tillman committed a heinous unsportsman-like conduct penalty after the Bears defense had held Tampa Bay to a punt on their 3rd possession of overtime.  Not only that, Tampa Bay was inside their own 10 yard line when Tillman decided to engage in fisticuffs.  Tampa Bay, given new life in the extra period, drove right down into FG range and booted the game-winner.

 

The above synopses don’t scratch the surface of how Chicago drastically outplayed their opponents yet still lost those games.  Had the Bears been disciplined enough to win these two, the rest of the season could have played out exactly as it did anyway, and Chicago would have won the division at 11-5 and gone to the playoffs.  The final-game meltdown in Houston would have mattered none, in fact Chicago could have rested starters without being challenged for the division crown, and there would have been no temptation to trade away Kyle Orton and the bevy of draft picks for Jay Cutler.  No seven red-zone picks that clearly have cost Chicago multiple games this season.  No dismal future with gaping holes that can’t be filled because of 2 consecutive drafts without a first-day selection.

 

kyle.  online photo, no source available

 

No one will call me neutral when it comes to my disdain of Jay Cutler, nor for my fondness for Orton, but even I understand that Bears management felt the need to jump at a QB of Cutler’s caliber when they had the chance.  If for no other reason than to keep him off of the Minnesota Vikings, who right now would look pretty set for the next decade with Cutler and Adrian Peterson at the helm.  But Cutler’s regression, combined with the hefty mortgage for his services, makes the trade second-guess-able, and it will be until Cutler bears fruit.

 

REASON 2: THE 2003 NFL DRAFT

 

I know what you’re saying – that’s a bit of a stretch, isn’t it?  Really, just how much impact does a draft six years ago have on this season’s debacle?  The answer is: a lot.

 

Chicago went a dismal 4-12 in 2002, earning them the No. 4 overall pick in the 2003 draft.  2002 included an 8-game losing streak that stretched from September 15th to November 24th, and Bear fans across the nation deserved an impact rookie player in return for the pathetic performance.

 

GM Jerry Angelo started things off right in retrospect.  That year, the favorite of NFL Draftniks at the #4 slot was Kentucky defensive tackle DeWayne Robertson, who Angelo wasn’t high on at such a pricey draft position.  He would command big money, and seeing as Robertson is currently without an NFL home only 6 seasons later, Angelo was correct in not picking or paying him.  He found a sucker to trade with in the New York Jets (a favor the Jets would repay Angelo for down the road, but I’ll get to that later), who sent Chicago their 2 first-round choices, the 14th and 22nd picks, for the right to draft Robertson at no. 4.

 

This was an excellent trade, and would be viewed as such if Angelo didn’t take Penn State DE Michael Haynes at 14 and Florida QB Rex Grossman at 22.  We all certainly remember the rollercoaster Grossman took Chicago on during his tenure there – in fact, a QB who took his team to a Super Bowl in only his 3rd season can’t really be viewed as a bust.  But Haynes was an inexcusable disaster.  Haynes was cut from the Bears after their ’06 Super Bowl loss, and never dressed in another NFL uniform.  He was signed to the practice squads of the Jets and Saints, but was cut from both before Week 2.

 

rex grossman humped.  online photo, no source available

 

Perhaps if Angelo would have spent one or both of those two 1st-rounders (or his original 4th overall pick) on any of the following Pro-Bowlers he passed on, the Bears may still be reaping the benefits of a terrible 2002 season-this is why that draft still matters now:

 

DT Kevin Williams (Vikes)
OT Jordan Gross (Panthers)
CB Terrance Newman (Cowboys)
DE/LB Terrell Suggs (Ravens)
CB Marcus Trufant (Seattle)
RB Willis McGahee (Bills)
RB Larry Johnson (Chefs)
FS Troy Polamalu (Steelers)
CB Nnamdi Asomugha (Raiders)
WR Anquan Boldin (Cards)
DE Osi Umenyora (Giants)
LB E.J. Henderson (Vikes – hasn’t made the Pro Bowl yet, but will)
TE Jason Whitten (Cowboys)
CB Asante Samuel (Patriots)

 

I’ll let that squad of superstars sink in a while.

 

Ready?  Okay.

 

REASON 3: CEDRIC BENSON

 

That’s right kids, the Bears are still reeling from the mess Benson left in his drunken-boat-captain wake.  Not only did the Bears not need him as they already had Thomas Jones on the roster, they took him at that same cursed No. 4 spot, which the Bears had earned after another dismal season, only 2 seasons after their last top-5-draft-pick-earning craptastic year.

 

Benson quickly got to work on his 36-day training camp contract holdout, after which he immediately split the locker room by pretty much acting like a total assh*le.  Actually, assh*le doesn’t really adequately describe Benson’s behavior, but I’ll let other Bears fans give you their colorful opinions of Cedric Benson if you’ve been swayed by his resurgence in Cincinnati, and you mistakenly believe that his release from Chicago was foolish.

 

cedric benson.  online photo, no source available

 

But, you might say, they got rid of himHow is he still affecting the teamBesides, the 2005 draft was quite possibly the worst draft in the history of the institution – there were nothing but busts in the entire thing – and on that point, you’ll get no argument from me.  Cedric Benson wasn’t even the biggest bust of that draft.  That honor would probably go to top pick Alex Smith, or perhaps the lovable and cuddly Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones.

 

Well, remember how I said earlier that the Jets would have their revenge for getting tricked into trading up for DeWayne Robertson?  Well, here’s why – the J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets happily took Thomas Jones off of Chicago’s hands for a 2nd round pick.  Turned out to be a steal, as TJ was an All-Pro selection the following season, and this year ranks in the top 5 in every rushing category there is, along with leading the league in carries.

 

Thomas Jones.  online photo, no source available
Thomas Jones: Apparently too much beast for Chicago

 

But Jones was a locker room favorite in Chicago, and for that reason, he had to go.  Benson was taking up too much salary-cap space to be the source of controversy, so despite only producing marginal results at that point in his career (as well as taking himself out of the ’06 Super Bowl like a pussy), Benson won the job, and Jones had to be jettisoned.  On top of losing a great talent and the spiritual leader of the offense, the Bears used the 2nd-round selection they got for Jones on defensive end Dan Bazuin out of Central Michigan.

 

The natural response to that fact, which would be “Who the f*ck is Dan Bazuin?” is the exact reason that Benson is a reason the Bears are garbage now.

 

dan bazuin.  online photo, no source available
Here’s Dan Bazuin. Don’t recognize him? Me either.

 

Think I’m finished? I’m just getting warmed up.

 

REASON 4: REPLACING MIKE BROWN WITH JOSH BULLOCKS AND AL AFALAVA

 

I don’t mean to directly disparage Al Afalava.  For a guy who was drafted 190th overall out of Oregon State and was pushed into the starting lineup because no one else would even take the job, he’s done fairly well.  But the he had some enormous, if often-injured, shoes to fill.

 

I won’t even disparage Angelo for moving on from Mike Brown, a guy who will never pay for a meal in Chicago for the rest of his life.  Mike Brown was so good at his position that his annual injury would kill all momentum for the Bears defense.  He was too good to lose during the season, so the Bears had to lose him altogether, and not have to count on his presence to be the factor that it always was.

 

mike brown.  online photo, no source available

 

But he played an enormous role in the defensive success of Angelo’s tenure, and his position was far too crucial in Lovie Smith’s Tampa-2 scheme not to fill with a competent replacement.  The only free-agent the Bears tried to cover their asses with was Josh Bullocks, who has seen almost no time at all in the few games he’s actually been given a jersey and pads for.  They didn’t address the gaping hole via the draft until they took Afalava with the 16th pick of the 6th round, and if Angelo honestly thought he was drafting Afalava to start this year, then he needs to be fired on that basis alone.  Perhaps Afalava can grow into the starter that the Bears need him to be, but his rookie status as the quarterback of this defense is a huge factor in the Bears’ sh*tiness now.

 

REASON 5: MATT FORTE WAS NEVER REALLY VERY GOOD

 

I hate to say it, but Matt Forte’s reputation as a decent running back in the NFL has stood largely on one highlight, and that would be a highly-viewed 50-yard TD run on opening night in Indianapolis last season.  He outran Bob Sanders on the play, which was all the reason anyone needed to hype the kid as the next great Chicago tailback.

 

The truth is that Forte had all of three 100+ yard games in 2008, and didn’t break 4 yards per carry for the season.  Yep, I myself argued for his rookie of the year candidacy, given that he was responsible for more of his team’s total offensive production than any other player in the league.  But the fact that Chicago’s passing game largely revolved around an average tailback was an indictment of the Bears’ pass-catchers, not a complement to Forte.

 

matt forte.  online photo, no source available

 

Forte can be a good runner if given ideal conditions, and that means big holes in front of him and a passing game that is actually a threat.  Take one or both of those elements away and he becomes not only average, but spark-less.  He should be moved to H-Back, as he is still a good blocker and receiver, but shouldn’t be relied on to carry the Bears run game by himself.

 

That 50-yard TD on opening night was a signal to Bears fans that the days of watching the sleepy Cedric Benson plod around and fall down in the open field were over.  Benson was so bad that even a middling rookie looked like the next coming of Neal Anderson by comparison.  But Forte has turned out to be exactly what you would think when you watch his highlights from Tulane – the next Anthony Thomas.  Solid rookie year, and it’s all downhill from there.  Unfortunately for the Bears and their fans, the Bears will likely start him as their “featured back” as long as Lovie Smith is around.  Now would be the time to spend another high draft pick on a running back, like they did with Cedric Benson, but Angelo will likely be too in love with his own draft pick to challenge him, also like he did with Cedric Benson.

 

In conclusion, f*ck you, Jay Cutler. Here’s another really stupid looking picture of you, of which there are many.

 

jay cutler.  online photo, no source available

 

 

Email: nick.thomas@flyingpigskin.com

 

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Fantasy Football Duds and Studs 2009 – Week 1

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With the NFL season official now, the fantasy football scene has already exploded with some notable and less-than-worthy performances. Here’s a look a 2009 Week 1 Fantasy Football Duds and Studs:

Studs:

Drew Brees – QB New Orleans Saints – Brees lit up the <cough> Detroit secondary for 6 touchdown passes and over 350 yards.  Sure, the Lions went 0 and 16 last year.  Sure, the game was played in New Orleans.  All nay-saying aside, it doesn’t matter who you play: 6 touchdown passes is an amazing effort and should keep the Saints marching into Week 2.

Adrian Peterson – RB Minnesota Vikings – AP ran All Day over the Browns in Cleveland, netting 180 yards on 25 carries (7.2 yard average) for 3 scores.  Everyone expects solid games out of Peterson, but delivering gems like this on the road, particularly during the over-hyped debut of Number 4, is quite the feat.

Philadelphia Eagles D/ST – Not only did the Eagles defense only allow 10 points from the Panthers in Carolina, but they held them to a mere 169 total yards and forced 7 turnovers.  DE Victor Abiamiri returned a fumble early in the second quarter to put Philly up for good, while DJax (WR/PR DeSean Jackson) solidified their lead with an 85-yard punt return for a touchdown just 4 minutes later.  Kudos to the Eagles for a stud performance unlikely to be matched this season.

The Eagles forced 7 turnovers at Carolina on Sunday.

The Eagles forced 7 turnovers at Carolina on Sunday.

Joe Flacco – QB Baltimore Ravens – Flacco threw for a career-high 307 yards and 3 touchdowns against the lowly Chiefs in the Ravens home-opener on Sunday.  Kudos to the sophomore QB getting off on the right foot for the new season.

Thomas Jones – RB New York Jets – Jones was a performer most of last year in the world of fantasy football and didn’t disappoint in the Jets’ opener in Houston last weekend, racking up over 100 yards rushing and 2 scores in the second half of New York’s domination of the Texans.

Duds:

Jake Delhomme - QB Carolina Panthers – Oh, Jake.  Poor Jake.  Ol’ Jake was Munson-ed in Carolina on Sunday, throwing 4 picks and losing a fumble before being yanked from the game.  Sure, Carolina’s a running team, but with WR Steve Smith and a few years’ experience, you’d think he’d have something to offer.  Put him on waivers and go wash your hands if he was anywhere near your fantasy team.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers D/ST – The new-look D looked awful at home against the Cowboys on Sunday, giving up over 462 yards and 34 points to Tony Romo and company.  Without a few late garbage scores from the Bucs offense, this one could have dismantled their pride.

Willie Parker – RB Pittsburgh Steelers – Fast Willie Parker wasn’t fast on Thursday’s season opener against the Tennessee Titans.  He wasn’t even mediocre.  He was pitiful – rushing for 19 yards on 13 carries.  The Steelers even lined up for a late 3rd and short play in the shotgun offense, rather than going with “Fast Willie” or his perennial back-up, Mewelde Moore.  If he can’t match up with the Bears, sans-LB Brian Urlacher in Week 2, I’d trade him for a back on a tandem rushing team (ie Bradshaw, etc.).

Braylon EdwardsWR Cleveland Browns – Braylon found the Dud list quite a bit last year and if Week 1 is any indication, this season may be another dismal outing for the once-promising Edwards.  Cleveland played catch-up for the entire second half of last week’s game hosting the Vikings, but managed to only find Edwards one time for a mere 12 yards.  Last year’s fantasy owners are offering condolences to this year’s suckers.

Steve Slaton – RB Houston Texans – A top-10 fantasy pick with promise.  That was the tag on Slaton.  How did he deliver to his fantasy fans in Week 1 hosting the Jets?  He rushed 9 times for 17 yards and lost a fumble.  Outside of a few receiving points, Steve let a lot of owners down this week.

Slaton was non-existent against the Jets in the Texans home opener.

Slaton was non-existent against the Jets in the Texans' home opener.

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Some Reasoned, Rational, Unbiased Brett Favre Analysis

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Brett Favre gave the Minnesota Vikings and their fans exactly what they wanted to see Monday night in their 3rd preseason game in Houston.  Anyone outside Winter Park didn’t honestly know what to expect when Favre took the field against the Texans – it could have been magic, and it could have been miserable.  

 

It’s hard to argue against magic: Favre ended his night 13-18 for 142 yards with one TD and a QB rating of about 114.  I don’t think anyone could have asked for a better outcome than that; Vikings fans went from starting to waver with doubt about Favre taking over their talented team to fully cheering on the former hated division rival.  And why not?  Favre’s first outing of the season didn’t leave anyone with anything worth drawing conclusions from, playing only a couple of series and largely just trying not to look like a guy who had joined the team less than a week before, which he had.  The 2nd game was such an improvement that most Purple faithful either slept as peacefully as a man in a coffin or were insomniacs with excitement, with Randy Moss’ famous refrain of “Super Bowl, Homeboy” dancing through their heads.

 

 Brett Favre.  online photo, no source available

 

Here comes the objective analysis: there is no questioning that Favre played competent, experienced, and entertaining football with the steady hand of a veteran surrounded by genuinely talented skill-position players.  And this was without Bernard Berrian, the Vikings’ No. 1 receiver, who will undoubtedly add to the new-old QB’s arsenal of weapons this year when he returns to the lineup.  But if we’re going to look at this objectively, we all have to take off the Purple-tinted glasses for a moment.

 

The Houston Texans looked awful on defense outside of Mario Williams, who continues to look like he was deserving of the No. 1 pick a couple years back.  Adrian Peterson flat-out burned the entire unit on the first play from scrimmage, and while no one will say that should come as any surprise given Peterson’s ability, he did make it look really easy.  Not even the Chicago Bears or San Diego Chargers ever opened the door for AP quite like the Texans did on national TV last night.  More objectivity: Favre has NEVER played with a talent like this at tailback.  Few QB’s in the history of the NFL have had this luxury.  For opponents (and particularly for division rivals), this is a huge problem.

 

But once again, the other side of the coin says that with Peterson’s talents come Peterson’s shortcomings: at least twice last night AP showed he has made very little improvement on his pass-blocking skills, and don’t think for a millisecond that opposing teams aren’t going to exploit that armor-chink at every opportunity.  That kid has got to protect that rickety old man.  Combine that with his inability to bail Favre out as a pass-catching safety-valve, and Peterson could soon prove to be a liability despite what he brings to the table as a runner.  To keep the Super Bowl-train moving as a tailback, you’ve got to be a complete player.  Adrian Peterson showed on Monday night that a complete player he is not.  


Another apparent weakness would be the head coach of the Minnesota Vikings, Brad Childress.  I share the opinion of many pure-bred Vikings fans that Childress shouldn’t be coaching a Pop Warner team, let alone an actual NFL franchise.  And the man walked right into that description last night, calling two Wildcat formations featuring Percy Harvin.  If you have any real plans of utilizing the latest Macarena-style trend in the NFL this season, why in the world would you run not one but two plays with it before the season starts?  He also kicked the tires on a reverse to Harvin, giving every opponent on the schedule at least some film on the “brilliant trickery” Childress may want to deploy in 2009.  

 

Is all this enough to derail a potential Super Bowl run for Minnesota?  I don’t know, and I doubt it.  But when you combine these casual-observer pitfalls with the very real late-season breakdown of Brett Favre in 2008, it doesn’t exactly instill confidence in a skeptic like myself.  Here’s the skinny on the Favre-inator last season with the New York Football Jets:

 Brett Favre.  online photo, no source available

Much has been made of the December slump that Favre went through last year, but it started well before that.  After the Jets’ early-season Week 5 Bye, Favre threw 10 TD’s and 18 picks.  The late-season slump of course still has teeth; after an encouraging Week 12 win vs. the Titans (in which the Jets handed Tennessee its’ first loss of the year), Favre never broke a 62 QB rating and the J-E-T-S went 1-4 and missed the playoffs.  Say what you will about a gimpy rotator cuff, but who is to say that it doesn’t happen again this season?

 

And yes, the Vikings are more talented and have a better defense than that of the 2008 New Jersey Jets.  But Favre had an All-Pro tailback in Thomas Jones last year too, not to mention a very capable counter-punch in Leon Washington.  AP and Chester Taylor will likely prove to be an even better combo, but will Favre even last that long after getting lit up in the pocket as a result of blown protection?  

 

Favre will throw his share of picks – everyone is accepting that as a given.  But add to it Peterson’s penchant for fumbling, and after all the combined turnovers, where will this team stand?  Most likely still in the hunt for the division title, if not still winning it walking away.  But Favre has not shown himself to be capable of winning outdoors in the playoffs in recent years, and if the Vikings have to go on the road in the postseason, look for yet another early playoff exit, another misty-eyed press conference, and another off-season of pointless speculation and hand-wringing over whether or not Favre will finally, mercifully, hang ‘em up.

 

Brett Favre crying like a bitch.  Online photo, no source available

Brett Favre: “Waahh, I’m old!”


Look, Favre unquestionably represents an upgrade for Minnesota and gives them the best chance to win on any given night or afternoon.  And as a NFC North guru, I couldn’t ask for a better story – when was the last time all three ‘real teams’ in the division looked this good?  


But what are the chances, at 39 going on 70, that Favre has more good games this season than bad ones?  Not great.  And just how does one go about benching Brett Favre if he isn’t injured, but just ineffective?  Despite this, it was the right choice for Zygi Wilf, Brad Childress and Brett Favre to make in putting him in a purple uniform – Sage and T-Jack weren’t leading anyone to the Promised Land.  But please, slow that train to Miami down just a notch or two, okay?  Gracias, amigos.

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