So the title may be blunt. So an article/title about sodomy on a football website may not be viewed as ‘pertinent’ or ‘appropriate’ or ‘correct,’ but after forcing myself through last night’s NFL Network Thursday Night Football debacle, I have to say something and I have to say it loudly (and most definitely inappropriately – I apologize to everyone in the world offended by the article, with the exception of Matt Millen and Bob Papa):
Matt Millen - Turning NFL Broadcasting's Brown-Eye Blue!
Matt Millen and Bob Papa are the cleft-palates of NFL commentary . . .
Matt Millen and Bob Papa are the toothless grins of NFL commentary . . . (the old and creepy kind – not ‘kid-with-lollipop’ kind)
Matt Millen and Bob Papa are the ‘ripped half of my tongue off as a child, licking the pole outside in an ice storm’ of NFL commentary . . .
Matt Millen and Bob Papa are the ‘why the long face’ jokes of NFL commentary . . .
Matt Millen and Bob Papa are the . . . (insert witticism here . . .)
I could go on, but frankly I’m sickened by the lack of energy coming from the NFL’s own television network. It’s appalling to think that the league can’t find someone with not only some credibility, but an announcer’s voice for crying-out-loud. I had to re-adjust the audio settings on my television, receiver, and cable box six times before I was convinced that it was in fact the absolute worst commentary (audibly) that I’ve ever heard. I’m tired and its been a long few days, so I’m going to leave it up to the FP readers to provide me with some witticisms.
Dear God, make a change for football fans around the country! Smite them, oh Mighty Lord with fire and brimstone (is that right?), as they sodomize the beauty that is broadcasting!
I beg you . . .
PS – please comment and throw in your clever lines:
Matt Millen and Bob Papa are the . . . (insert witticism here . . .)
I can’t wait to hear some clever jabs!
I was supposed to go to a good friend’s place tonight to knock back a couple drinks and find some escape from the monotony of the inbred corporate hell that my day-to-day life exists in. But instead, I have to be chained to my satellite dish to watch Thursday Night Football. Thus:
MY BEARS-49′ERS PICK
49er Tight End Vernon Davis made a bit of a splash this week when he predicted that the 49ers would “destroy” the Bears. It would have been a bigger splash if everyone didn’t think he was right.
San Francisco is this week’s lucky winner of the NFL’s “Boost Your Weakest Standing Sweepstakes” as they play Chicago at home on Thursday night. Can’t run, Arizona? Here’s the Bears, at your service. Can’t rush the passer? No problem, Cleveland – sack Jay Cutler 5 times!
Got a headcase rookie wide receiver that needs a big game in front of a home crowd? Do you have a running back who hasn’t broken 100 yards since Week 2? Got a head coach whose questionable intensity has only produced a 3-5 record? Oh, and he’s also a Hall-of-Fame MLB who is coaching his first game against his old team?
Have I got a deal for you!
Not only will the Chicago Bears allow you to publicly humiliate them, you don’t even have to choose which offensive category you wish to dominate them in. In two of their last three games, the opposing quarterback has thrown for an AVERAGE of five (5) touchdowns, and the opposing offense racked up an AVERAGE of 198 rushing yards.
Michael Crabtree, Frank Gore, and Mike Singletary, come on down! This Bears defense will quiver in fear of your below-average passing attack! Your 19th-ranked offense will belly-laugh at the cowardice of the Chicago defenders! They will disgust you as you pummel them into a vegetative state!
49ers DESTROY the Bears, 42-17.
contact email: nick.thomas@flyingpigskin.com
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