I’m not into conspiracy theories, but when Brett Favre had his news conference yesterday, a mere 4 days before the Vikings’ season opener, he and the Vikings left a huge door open for speculation.  It’s a door I’m prepared to walk through and speculate as I do it.  

He decided it was time to string up the Jets for his late-season cliff-dive last year and play the victim card, basically saying that he pleaded to be benched after his biceps-tendon tear.  The Jets, to my surprise, acquiesced – saying that they in fact made a mistake and should have listened better to Favre’s complaints that he was too injured to play.

That doesn’t mean my theory is false – in fact, he also deliberately used the chance to doubt his own skills, planting the seeds of what could easily grow into his chance to finally step down from the NFL, carrying with him huge, cartoonish bags of cash with green dollar-signs on them.

The man behind Brett Favre going to Minnesota

The fact that he is telling the truth only adds to my theory, that this whole Favresota episode has been a publicity stunt from the beginning.  Perhaps it wasn’t hatched in a smoky back-room of Winter Park, but if Favre decides he can’t hack it after three games, what do the people who run (and profit from) the Vikings really care?  And what would Favre care, after earning a guaranteed $12,000,000 in about six weeks time?

If Brett starts this Sunday, he gets his money.  And the Minnesota Vikings have already more than covered his salary in ticket sales, jersey sales, ad revenue and corporate sponsorships since Favre came onboard.  Even the New York Times jumped into this theory a few weeks ago, but of course I can’t find the damn link.  Favre can only be expected to be a One-Year Wonder anyway, and the Vikings have a talented young nucleus under contract for years to come.  What happens after they get a stadium deal is irrelevant. 

Vikings owner Zygi Wilf

You still doubt me, and that’s fine.  But, if you were one of the guys running the Vikings and were trying to grow a new-stadium nest-egg, what better way to do it than this?  And when you called Favre to lure him to the Metrodome and he told you: “Aw shucks, Mr. Wilf, this old arm just can’t do it do it no more”, what would you say?  You’d say, “Brett, that matters none.  You coming here will make us both oodles of money, and I don’t even care if you make it to the Bye Week.”

And at that point, if you’re Brett (who has likely already told the Packers and their retirement/endorsement deal to kiss his Mississippi *ss), you say, “Well shucks, Mr. Wilf, that sounds like a heck of a deal.  I’ll be there!”

You get the idea.  I welcome challengers to this theory to comment below.

TACKED ON EDITORIAL:  BOBBY WADE DISMISSED FROM PURPLE, RADIO GUY PAUL ALLEN TO BLAME

Some say this isn’t a big deal – those people have already drunk that crap-tastic purple Kool-Aid (the stuff from the old Sunny-D commercial). 

So let me get this straight, a guy who led your team in receptions for the last two seasons agrees to halve his current contract, and you decide to cut him.  Because these team-player types are easily found in the NFL.  Right.

Vikings radio announcer Paul Allen had no problem changing his tune today, going from “my favorite player ‘Wobby Bade’ (sic – he always loved that one), who single-handedly split the Bears’ locker room on MY show,” to turncoat into, “well, the writing was on the wall and he wasn’t very good in the red-zone. Percy Harvin needed time in the slot.  Wade was nowhere to be found in the pre-season.” (audio proof available here)  As if the NFL pre-season suddenly mattered. 

Used-Car Salesman Vikings radio-announcer Paul Allen

Way to show gratitude for a guy who carried your passing game for the last two seasons.  Especially after Wade foolishly went along with your concocted “Urlacher called Jay Cutler a (expletive deleted)” bit live on the radio, which even Sean Jensen, the St. Paul Pioneer-Press reporter who broke the story, pointedly pointed out to you on your own show. 

As a Bears/Bobby Wade fan, I really hope Paul Allen feels like a true A-Hole, which he’s shown himself to be.  Not only did he get a good guy fired from his job, he then decided to rationalize the decision on the very radio show that got him fired.  That’s some loyalty.  Defines “Minnesota Nice”.  But Favre-forbid you cross Vikings’ management and their “Great Football Minds” decisions.  Never was there a greater bobo than Paul Allen.

Here’s to hoping Chicago picks him up and sticks him in the slot, where Jay Cutler makes him a legit receiver again, and the Bears pump their former WR for the Minnesota playbook.  Maybe it would be as good a story as a different former rival player going to the opposition out of spite…